So I recently watched the movie Equals starring Kristen Stewart (Twilight) and Nicholas Hoult (X-Men: Apocalypse, Warm Bodies). The movie takes place in a dystopian, Orwellian like future in which all emotions are not only outlawed but are medically sought to be bred out. Emotions are viewed as a disease in this futuristic society. The illegal love (which was WAY too reminiscent of George Orwell’s 1984) made me think about the way that some people are emotionally and sometimes quite literally out of it in a relationship. Since I do love making Top Ten lists, I figured that today’s list would be the Top Ten ways in which Men can Help to make their wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, or whatever you have happier in your relationship.
Just listen: It’s not always easy to listen to someone else’s problems but it is viable to us all to have someone that we think cares about the things that we have going on in our lives. If we don’t make our significant others feel as if they can communicate with us then they will be something important that is lacking that in your relationship. And chances are they will seek that attachment from someone else.
Know and respect that Women are Different: It’s good to acknowledge and appreciate the fact that a woman is not only physically but emotionally different than their male counterparts. Most women are more emotional and more ‘touchy-feely’ than you are. And just like our section on listening, women usually tell stories that will be longer than your stories. Women explain things differently than men. That’s a fact. If she is out shoe shopping, she’s thinking about 8,000 different scenarios…so don’t give her a hard time. You should relish in the fact that she actually wants to spend time with you. Know her differences and the nuances that make up YOUR partner. Just by remembering the specific things that she looks for in your relationship will keep her happy. And by God isn’t a good thing?
Pay Attention to Your Partner: A good relationship is built on getting along. You have to get along with one another. So it helps to also be your partner’s best friend. I often see meme’s around the time that football, basketball, or hunting season is going to start that say “We interrupt this marriage to bring you Hunting Season.” or “I’m so happy its hunting season!” Said no wife with young children, ever.” These are said in jest but I can imagine that no woman wants to feel like they are a second choice: TO ANYTHING. With that being said, a partner should allow their partner to do things that make them happy with moderation. If you’re happiness comes at making everyone else around you miserable, then your happiness comes with too large of a cost. This time of paying attention is not just in regards to the sexual realm. While the physical aspects of a relationship are important, the emotional aspects of a relationship also lie deeply important to your partner. When they talk to you, they might not be looking for you to solve the problems that they bring to you. They just want to know that you care. Sometimes just spending that moment with them is worth a lot.
Sexual Healing: Country singer Brad Paisley knows that sometimes a back rub means only a back rub. And men especially need to remember that affection does not always mean sex. Foreplay doesn’t always take place in the bed. Foreplay is sometime that starts in the morning and lasts throughout the day. How do you talk and or treat your wife? Do you treat her as if she’s the most beautiful woman in the world even when her hair is up in curlers and she hasn’t brushed her teeth yet? Do you come home in the afternoon and speak rudely to your wife just because you’re still fuming over what your boss said to you at work? Sometimes you never know what your actions can do to someone’s feelings. We all get complacent in our relationship. We get comfortable and this comfort can come between us. Don’t take that person for granted. Treat them like a princess or King. The Bible says that “Love is patient, love is kind.” If you’ve been to a Christian’s wedding, you’ve more than likely heard the section from 1 Corinthians chapter 13 verses 4-8. Even non-Christians can find truth in this section of text. And just a side note: your happiness for the week may be a foot massage away. It is the little things.
Spend some time with them: To go along with what I said about paying attention to your partner, it is equally important to spend time with them. Depending on what your partner is interested in, take them somewhere that you know will matter to them. If you really hate the ballet but she loves ballet…TAKE HER! Suck it up and take her to the ballet without complaining. Be involved in your partner’s life. Even the boring, mundane parts that you think are so inconsequential. Taking time to be involved and care about the things that your partner loves makes the difference in a happy relationship. Now this goes both ways. Your wife may hate football, but it wouldn’t hurt her to sit down and watch a game with you every now and then. With that being said, if she’s in her craft room don’t crack that third beer. Go sit with her for a while and do something with her. FYI: Being in the same room, even sitting on the same couch, IS NOT SPENDING TIME WITH THEM. Do something. Go out if she’s social. Do something at home if she’s a home body.
Just KNOW Her!: As my dad’s favorite musician Percy Sledge says in one of his most famous songs, “Take time to know her. Its not an over night thing.” There is a reason that people had such a long courting ritual long ago….its because it allowed the two to respectively get to know one another. Now I know that some of them used that time to settle dowries and arrangements but it was mostly intended for the potential bride and groom to get to know one another. In a world of Facebook and instant potatoes, we are used to getting things as soon as we can and I think that we rush relationships. We need to take time to realize the nuances and things that make your potential love….them. Some women want balloons, flowers, chocolates, and jewelry for Valentines but my wife doesn’t see the point in spending all that money for something like that. My wife would rather me take that money and make an extra car payment. The key to this scenario is to know her. Take the time to know what makes her happy.
A Woman’s Work is Never Done: Ever sat back and realized how hard that a working mother or woman actually does work? Most of the time we expect food to be on the table, the kids to be washed, and for our wife to be smiling at the door awaiting a kiss. But that’s not realistic. The working mother ((as the Bureau of Labor Statistics indicated in their yearly survey) over 60% of married mother’s work outside of the home) usually is the ‘soccer mom’ that hauls kids to soccer practice, karate, or t-ball. To expect the house to be spotless and food prepared on time after the woman of the house has also worked an 8 hour work day is preposterous. So not only should you appreciate what your woman (or partner) does, but you should be willing to help. Like my wife says, there is nothing sexier than a man washing dishes.
Make her Laugh: Andrew Carnegie said, “There is little success where there is little laughter.” This is especially true in relationships. Ever heard that a woman loves a guy with a good sense of humor? If you make your wife or partner laugh then they will enjoy spending time with you and wanting to spend time with you is pretty important. Being light-hearted and allowing yourself to get closer to one another is such a vital part of any relationship.
Tell Her that she’s Beautiful: Everyone wants to be wanted. Every man and woman wants to feel not only appreciated but they want to feel as if they are attractive. They want to not only feel it but to hear that you find them that way. So….tell her that she’s beautiful. Notice her new haircut and compliment her on it. Be observant! Take her to get a manicure and pedicure and tell her how beautiful she looks. Walk by her as she’s sitting in her chair, kiss her forehead and tell her that she’s beautiful. Do these things….but mean them when you say them or do them. There are a lot of people that are not affectionate and your spouse understands that but you can find a way to do it…in your own special way.
Take Care of Her: Respecting your wife or partner is key. If you she has a headache and you know that she’s trying to relax on the couch, go to the fridge and get a cold rag to place on her forehead. Know that she has a long trip to take the next day? Make sure that she has gas in her car. Know that she has had a tough day at work? Take her out to eat or prepare something for her at home. Just taking the weight off someone’s shoulders is such an important thing to keep them happy. Keeping someone from being too stressed will allow them to keep a sane mind. Taking care of her is not just financially.
Note that I am not a perfect husband. I’m not a perfect man. I’m not a trained sociologist that has training with relationships. What I do have are these suggestions. Take them with a grain of salt but more than anything show love, have respect and now true affection.